Apparantly she had liked me for quite some time. I had some inkling of this for at least a couple of weeks. It didn't suprise me when she started to make a move on me two saturdays ago. She was drunk.
I was rolling. See the glowstick? Yeah, it's pulsating. That shit rocks.
Relationships based on ecstasy or that in anyway involve ecstasy in the early stages never work. I would highly suggest that couples steer clear of the drug unless they have a strong relationship already. I would also highly suggest not to hook up with anyone while rolling.
EVER. Although, it may be harder than it sounds.
It was cute and fun and innocent, laying next to her in the hotel room bed when the party smoldered out. Kissing her playfully, biting her lower lip, probing her mouth with my tongue. I had completely forgotten at this point her first pass that night..
"What are you thinking about?"
"You can talk to me you know, I've had a lot of...crazy experiences.."
Two days pass, we hang out pretty much 48 hours straight..that I spent away from my home and away from reality. Nothing else mattered when I entered her that night. It was me and her and what we had together then, and it was beautiful.
The next day, I went home, and started soaking reality back in. I suppose my seratonin levels had returned to something resembling normal. Old thoughts came rushing back. I could not even fathom feeling about this girl the way that I did three days ago.
I think I am madly in love with another girl. She is absolutely amazing, and all I could do when I was with Stephanie was think about her.
I had to end it.
I was going to give her Valentine's Day. But when she asked if I was happy with her I could not lie.
I am overwhelmed with guilt, but I cannot sacrifice myself.
Not for anyone but her.
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