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Time:09:29 pm
from me. here. cuz no one else writes here? whats up with that. ive basically deserted my LJ, much as Grasshopper has left his neopets to suffer and waste away as a result of our depraved indifference. but im all ansty-pants tonite, and want to just say something, to anyone. that isnt on my LJ. cuz i cant just write there anymore. people expect certain things from it. Athens is kinda boring, but im enjoying it. im doing an independant study with a Prof, and I think we have crushes on each other. we're silly, and will have like hour long meetings where we talk about my studies for like 20 minutes. and then just talk and joke and discuss recent literature and other stimulating things. fun fun fun. i'm all dying for attention tonite- and i think i might make out with someone random. i know that sounds bad-n-all..... but its just making out.... and thats what co-eds do, right? any thoughts on that?
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Current Music:tool - schisim
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Subject:i breathe to kiss you
Time:03:11 am
Current Mood:drunk of corse
…to kiss you so hard,

that my entire body becomes absorbed by yours…

touching…

holding…



…to kiss you so long,

that my neck hurts.



…to kiss you so softly

and taste your sweet caress,

that my body gets hot and my mind gets dizzy.



…to kiss you so tenderly…

so passionately…

never wanting your lips to leave me…



to kiss you

is to love you…

to love you

is to live you…

to live you

is to breathe you…

therefore,

i breathe to kiss you.



my darling sweetheart,

your taste is forever in my mouth.
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Time:03:31 am
please go here... this is the funniest thing i have ever seen.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php
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Subject:Things you wish you could say at work. also known as a list of great away messages.
Time:04:27 pm
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.

3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?

4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

6. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

20. No, my powers can only be used for good.

21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.

22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.

23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
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Current Music:Peter Murphy - i'll fall with your knife
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Subject:Love (lack thereof)
Time:02:28 am
Current Mood:meh
alone
lonely
secluded
reserved
sadened
wishful
hoping
deterred
single
solitary
divided
unshared
separate
apart
detached
removed
sole
celibate
sequestered
reclused
yearning
longing
waiting
wanting
dreams of belonging
never stopping
always
conststantly
disapointingly
broken-hearted

passion
feeling
emotion
love
wondering
thinking
praying above
dedication
elation
bliss
consecration
teasing
evoking
deception
temptation
desire
devotion
craving
lust
sensetive
sensuous
emotionally
crushed
restless
urging
aching
constrained
awaiting (you)
a pursuit in vain.
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Current Music:Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb
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Subject:just let her go
Time:01:56 am
Could she be,
Blue eyed and vibrant-
Something more something less,
Naught or nigh, it is not in my hands.
I can only wonder,
And sit and stew in the same depressing thoughts,
Even though she is already there,
And I already have her, I want her-
I want to be her everything,
And when I think about her eyes, it makes me smile
And I know I make her smile
(but I want to make her scream, I want her fingernails digging into my shoulders)
cold as ice her gaze my tongue goes numb.
(my eyes are locked until she turns my way)
the floor is rather dirty today, I could use a new pair of shoelaces
(can’t look, she knows, you’re going to upset her)
so I continue to hurt myself
(and scan the floor to death)
because I can’t seem to let go

although
now I might be ready to look
to wander the pastures and meadows
and see who else is grazing-
but I needn’t be.
Hormones are a red-hot poker with Devil’s intentions,
Uncontrollable physical urges, deep emotional wound,
Slowly healing,
And pray for scar tissue,
Because I’ll at least know she’s there all the time.

So I can stare at it, and play with it
Running my fingers up and down its death
It’s forgotten.
And stare numbly at who I’m pretending to like or love or want.
I’m rambling, I’m venting
I’m having trouble letting go
(to have her in my arms)
embracing her just once a day keeps me in check
(is the most beautiful part)
and Plato smiles and nods
(of each and every day)
while Freud shakes his head and baffles
(that I am alive)
at human desire
(and right now all I want is that)
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Time:12:39 am
fuck the snow.


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Current Music:Incubus - Calgone
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Subject:Valentine's Day
Time:02:15 am
Stephanie.

Apparantly she had liked me for quite some time. I had some inkling of this for at least a couple of weeks. It didn't suprise me when she started to make a move on me two saturdays ago. She was drunk.

I was rolling. See the glowstick? Yeah, it's pulsating. That shit rocks.

Relationships based on ecstasy or that in anyway involve ecstasy in the early stages never work. I would highly suggest that couples steer clear of the drug unless they have a strong relationship already. I would also highly suggest not to hook up with anyone while rolling.

EVER. Although, it may be harder than it sounds.

It was cute and fun and innocent, laying next to her in the hotel room bed when the party smoldered out. Kissing her playfully, biting her lower lip, probing her mouth with my tongue. I had completely forgotten at this point her first pass that night..

"What are you thinking about?"
"..."
"You can talk to me you know, I've had a lot of...crazy experiences.."
"..."

Two days pass, we hang out pretty much 48 hours straight..that I spent away from my home and away from reality. Nothing else mattered when I entered her that night. It was me and her and what we had together then, and it was beautiful.

The next day, I went home, and started soaking reality back in. I suppose my seratonin levels had returned to something resembling normal. Old thoughts came rushing back. I could not even fathom feeling about this girl the way that I did three days ago.

I think I am madly in love with another girl. She is absolutely amazing, and all I could do when I was with Stephanie was think about her.

I had to end it.

I was going to give her Valentine's Day. But when she asked if I was happy with her I could not lie.

I am overwhelmed with guilt, but I cannot sacrifice myself.

Not for anyone but her.
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Subject:a series of LikeLikeLike
Time:06:49 pm
does anyone read this anymore? perhaps this could be a perfect little hiding spot to bitch about the people that read my LJ thru my IMlink- which is, of course- a spylink... but they never comment or mention it. and like do they think i dont know they read it? even my roommate reads it... which is ok i guess cuz i dont really talk about her, except sometimes i worry that she might hate me cuz she has become like ultra-anal about the apartment and will clean up the kitchen if there are like any dishes in the sink- but like how terrible can i feel when it isnt even like im messy and she just like does it and i dont know if she hates it. and i hate talking about people in my LJ and pretending im not talking about them in case they read it. sorry for the pentup animosity..... maybe i could just make private entries more often, but then what happens to the people that read my LJ from my computer, and what if my roommate is a stalker and she comes in here? j/k on that- she''s cool and im just making her my scapegoat cuz i need someway to express my negative feelings, and she is never home to actually bother me or be influenced by it- so it works out ok.

im done. happy valentines day. i hope you choke.
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Time:11:41 pm
hey guys, dunno if anyone noticed but I've got a new accout at settodiscontent, haven't been re-added to the comm. just help, someone, so I can rant. stop slacking!
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[icon] Playground for the Weak Willed
View:Recent Entries.
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